How to know your spouse is cheating

Discovering a partner's affair is easier than ever before in history. Text messages, emails and online credit card statements leave the careless cheater with an electronic affair trail a gigabyte long. We know the typical telltale signs: weight loss, new music or food interests, the purchase of a new wardrobe. But if your affair radar is up -- because your partner's behavior just feels off or out of the ordinary -- here are 13 not-as-conspicuous signs you may be overlooking.

Or, "If I call her every day at noon, she won't get suspicious. Now, that ritual is being messed with. He needs a shower as soon as he walks in the door. Or he pours himself two fingers of scotch when that's usually reserved for weekends only. But recently she finds a myriad of reasons to have a few minutes alone -- and a need to take her own car. Time and again. And you know he hasn't said anything like that since he was pledging a fraternity.

Signs Your Spouse Is Cheating

Having an affair -- it's no secret -- can make people feel young and impulsive again and that can spill over into other behaviors. A little something from Vicky's Secret just for you? Funny, he's always claimed that lingerie doesn't do much for him. If they aren't cheating, you may inadvertently be damaging your relationship by intruding on their privacy.

Even in the absence of explicit statements revealing an affair, you can use context clues to figure out if one is going on. If you notice a high volume of texts or calls between your spouse and someone else, it could be because they are having an affair. Other indirect evidence of an affair could be references to outings or recreational activities they shared together, but which your spouse didn't share with you. Check the computer. If you're sure that they're cheating, then you may check the computer.

However, keep in mind that this is a violation of their privacy, and it may be hard to regain their trust if they aren't cheating. Your spouse may be communicating with their lover through social media, email, or internet chat service. Check his or her profiles for messages which indicate an affair is going on. You should also check browser history. Hire a private eye. Get a referral for a detective specializing in proving suspected extramarital affairs.

If you are unable or unwilling to invest the resources into getting a detective, do some digging on your own. Method 3. Be patient. Your spouse may not be ready to confess that they are having an affair. Recognize that you cannot force them to confess. Use a soft approach. Adopt a non-accusatory tone of voice and do not yell. Sit when asking them questions and do not stand over them. Do not become aggressive or engage in physical violence. Adopt non-threatening body language by keeping your hands in your lap or at your sides.

Do not cross your arms or put your hands on your hips when asking probing questions. Ask probing questions. There are many questions you can ask your spouse to discover if they might be engaged in an affair. Instead of asking or accusing them outright, ask questions about their whereabouts or habits to make them accidentally reveal they have lied.

One technique involves utilizing the Volatile Conundrum. This means putting the potential cheater in a position where they have to make a snap decision about their behavior or whereabouts.

10 Things to Do Immediately When You Find Out Your Partner Is Cheating

For instance, if your partner says he or she was at the batting cage with friends before coming home, you might reply that your friend was at the batting cage as well and reported that it closed early due to a broken water main. Even though this is untrue, your spouse will have to agree or disagree with this version of events, giving you the opportunity to later fact-check his or her rely.

Become a lie detector. If your spouse offers long, overly-complex answers with abundant detail, or fidgets and squirms during the conversation, they may be lying to you. Liars also tend to present stories which are inconsistent or illogical. By asking the same question in different ways over a long period and looking for changes in their explanations, you might be able to determine if your spouse is cheating. Ask directly. If you are still having a hard time determining if your spouse is cheating on you, take a more direct approach. Most will lie, but some will tell the truth.

You think they're cheating. But how can you know for sure?

If your spouse reacts with anger or irritation, they might be lying to you. If you have information which conclusively establishes that they are having an affair, present it. Do not dance around the subject or suggest indirectly that you suspect they are having an affair. There is no perfectly accurate measure for detecting a lie.

Pay attention to any possible clues, such as inconsistencies in his stories, changes in his daily or weekly patterns, increased evasiveness, or less closeness or intimacy between the two of you. Yes No. Not Helpful 0 Helpful 2. You only definitely know if you catch him in the act. But you can also know by instinct and numerous related clues.

Log any inconsistencies. Catching comes after some suspicion and questioning and follow-up. If you find receipts for a certain bar or motel on a regular basis, you can show up there.


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Lies eventually catch up to someone. Do your legwork first. Not Helpful 2 Helpful 0. Having cheated on my wife and confessed to her, why do I get the feeling she is cheating? She says it's "my guilt" that's causing me to be suspicious. Is that true. The deeper issue is trust. Her's and your's is broken.

Have a discussion about trust. Ask her what actions cause her to feel hurt or distrusting that you can change or stop.

Signs Your Spouse Could Be Cheating

And then bring up what actions cause you to distrust. Ask her to be honest about when she has these feelings and to be respectful to you when you do as well. Make an actual plan on improvement and if communication is impossible, suggest a counselor, professional, or spiritual leader. Finding one yourself shows initiative in improving your relationship. Not Helpful 1 Helpful 8.

My husband cheated on me and I found out. Snapchat icon A ghost. They avoid PDA. They suddenly have a little more spunk in their step.

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30 Subtle Signs Your Husband Is Cheating

They smile or laugh when you try and have a serious conversation. You notice negative cluster cues.

Their phone behavior changes. They take better care of themselves. They pat you on the back or kiss you on the cheek. They avoid eye contact.

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